A Touch Feral

In the winter delicious green weeds sprout up all over California. On my walks I munch on thistle, miner’s lettuce, oxalis, cleavers, and chickweed. The parks in SF have java apples, which you can eat about half the year. On Stanford campus there’s fruit to be gleaned almost any time of year.

If I can’t find anything to eat on my walks, I’ll crush up and smell hollyleaf or young eucalyptus leaves. Or pick a sprig of rosemary or lavender. Or linger by the jasmine.

Related: if you roll up a bay leaf and put it in your nose for 20 seconds while hiking, you’ll get an intense headrush. How did I figure this out? By accident, I was mostly trying to enjoy the scent.

It’s surprisingly easy to convince people to do this.

When it rains I put on nothing but shorts and go for a walk. When I travel to snowy places I go outside almost naked and roll around in the snow.

The turnaround point on my morning runs is a redwood tree, about 30 feet tall, which I climb before heading home.

If there are no trees around, you can always climb buildings. Or lampposts.

The worst part of planes is sitting still. So at the gate I do yoga, upward dog and all on the airport carpet. If you’re flying to the right place (eg Oahu), aunties will join in.

On my gap year I used to take 5am Ryanair flights and sleep in the airport to save money. In most airports the comfiest place to sleep is a kiddy play structure with a squishy floor.

If I sit in the sauna for a while, then get up and stretch my arms overhead, I can make myself almost-faint. I sit bent over and shake a little bit while my blood pressure plummets. It feels euphoric.

Related: in my early 20s I did a lot of Wim Hof breathwork. Once I held my breath so long that I pissed myself.

In NYC’s Washington Square Park there’s a man who feeds the pigeons. He barks at them, and they fly in a loop around the park. Then he barks again, and they land at his feet. If you’re friendly, he’ll help you feed them.

Rumor has it the man eats the pigeons. He claims they’re the cleanest food around, that their bodies heat to well above 100°F to kill off any bacteria.

For a couple months in college I gave up all cosmetic products (‘lotions and potions’), including toothpaste, shampoo, and sunscreen. I avoided sugar and the noon sun and was mostly fine. I never went back to using shampoo.

During COVID I worked on a ranch in Patagonia, sleeping in a tent and bathing in a lake for four months straight.

The water in each river tasted different: the Chilco was as blue as Gatorade and tasted like water does when you’re parched; the Soler was gray with glacial dust and tasted chalky.

We didn’t get much protein, so I would occasionally eat horseflies I killed.

After our first batch of butter went rancid, I stored the second inside a water bladder and sank it in the lake.

My crewmates and I knew all 15 cows and 20 horses by name. Rolly was my favorite cow, named after the puppy from 101 Dalmations because he was so hungry.